I don’t know which one is more addictive, sex or social media? There is a good chance if I’m not doing one, I’m doing the other. Relax, I’m joking. But when social media also pays your bills, working corporate jobs or freelancing, it easily consumes the day without realization. But paying my bills was only one aspect as it doesn’t only provide a break or temporary escape; it becomes a search, a subconscious attempt to find something that may change your life.
The Relationship Between Sex, Dopamine, and Social Media
There is a saying by Earl Nightingale regarding consistent daily effort: “If a person will spend one hour a day on the same subject for five years, that person will be an expert on that subject.” Earl Nightingale, often referred to as the “Dean of Personal Development,” also spoke frequently about money and substance. He believed that “no man can get rich himself unless he enriches others.” Evidence supporting this philosophy is widely cited as a proven method for professional growth, mastery, and long-term skill acquisition.
I began to notice how frequently I checked my phone which would then remind me of this man saying that the average human checks their phone every six minutes. I looked it up and it’s 10-12 minutes or roughly 80 times per day. Of course, that’s if when you go on your phone you don’t habitually scroll your day away. I wanted to chalk my habits up to OCD, but I’m not that special. Social media addiction comes in all shapes and sizes. Although, I don’t know if I would only call it an addiction as it became a way of life. A shared global lifestyle by individuals who are as connected just as much as they are worlds apart.
But nothing connects people like sex. Connected, literally. Relax, I’m joking. But seriously, sex binds a person physically, emotionally, and yes, must I dare say, spiritually. Porn addictions form, fantasies turn into nightmares, and partner after partner one searches for something deeper than themselves. Sex doesn’t just numb a person; it equips them with a shell so they may slug through life.
But it’s not black and white. Sex isn’t just something someone may become dependent on but it is also the result of serious trauma. It becomes a part of self-expression and familiarity. It eases the weight of the world even if just temporarily which brings me back to it being an escape.
How Sexual Energy Impacts Creativity
Whether it be sex or social media, I was using it to evade all levels of serious processing that would lead me to inevitably become the person I must be. Sexual energy goes hand in hand with creative energy. The more I ran from my passions or my gifts, the hornier I got. Historically, many artists, writers, and inventors have described channeling strong emotional or sexual energy into creative work. Many well-known women believed sensuality and creativity were deeply intertwined and that repression of desire could limit artistic expression.
Sexual energy is fundamentally a life-drive energy. Biologically, the same brain chemicals involved in sexual attraction, particularly dopamine and testosterone are also tied to systems that motivate humans to pursue goals, take risks, and create. Yes, I know, testosterone. The hormone acts as a powerful driver for status and ambition, fueling the confidence and physical energy needed to take risks. Estrogen acts as a “dopamine manager” that enhances focus, motivation, and strategic risk-taking. I certainly used my brain to overthink sex in more ways than one, particularly because I’ve been a Christian all my life with compulsive rumination and brutal conviction that leaves me with no choice but to wonder how male and female’s minds process sex. Let alone, how we allow sex to consume our desires and keep us from growing past our potential.
Throughout my young years, I bet with the amount of time spent thinking about sex, I could have written not just one book but at least four or five. I wouldn’t spend as long as I did under fluorescent lights and distract myself from my passions with after work happy hours or boyfriends. But for a long time, I relied on sex to spike my dopamine and to produce an emotion that would take me out of the numbness. Instead, it fueled the stoicism. I learned that it was not the act alone, it wasn’t only a physical habit, but it was an emotional and mental pattern.
The desire for sex, the act of it, and then the conviction that followed lead me down years of shame. Social media was no help as I found myself getting turned on easily after a few scrolls on the phone. Probably because there are over 4 million creators on only fans who all need to use the social platforms to promote themselves. You know how the algo works, even when I found myself on Christian Tik-tok, an inappropriate video would find its way onto my feed. Unfortunately, if you find yourself watching just one of those videos, a loop is created. After a while, you just get desensitized and it becomes seemingly normal.
Replacing Escapism With Purpose
There is no doubt that social media and sex walk hand in hand, promoting each other. After a long-period of struggling to cut myself off from both, I realized that new habits had to take over and destroy these urges. So, what did I start to do? For one, I prayed.
2 Timothy 2:22: “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Although, I sure didn’t feel my heart was as pure as it used to be and because of the things I’d seen and done, I didn’t think God would want to hear from me, let alone help me. But that’s not how He is and I forget that because I’m not used to the unconditional love and mercy that He freely gives. I’m still wrapping my head around it.
Peace and love come from pursuing passions. If you want to be heartless, he-art-less, then don’t reach for your goals or do what you feel called to complete. I didn’t eliminate social media entirely, especially not for business or staying informed. But I stopped using it to seek constant pleasure. I stepped away from the urge to consume what poisoned my mind, and in doing so, I found something else which is desire, time, and clarity to write.
I was free from the itch that burned. Because if you turn everything off and focus on life and God then you may find yourself doing exactly what you are always meant to do.